Adult Situations

This article was written by Alexandra Dalmas

If love is apparently all you need, why do you have to break up? One minute you are at the highest of highs and then the next, at the depths of despair. William Shakespeare once said, “The course of true love never did run smooth.” And right he is. When you look at all of the historical romances in the world, there is always a bumpy road before true love is found. Shakespeare also said, “If music be the food of love, play on.” That is what you must do when it comes to breaking up. You can’t meet the right person if you can’t get over the wrong one, but with challenges such as Facebook and email, the ability to get over your ex is becoming a harder and longer process. There are definitely ways to make sure you get over your ex and in ample time, however, the trick is making the decision to let go and committing to the steps you take to secure your emotional freedom.

There are so many reasons why people break up. You loved someone who acted as though they loved you in return but now they simply don’t feel the same way. You loved someone who met someone else. You loved someone whose intentions were not the same as your own. I could go on forever. Whatever the reason, the pain of a break up and the steps you need to take to get over it are still the same.

Whenever a girlfriend or I break up with an ex we ask ourselves, through the tears, chocolate and endless amounts of alcohol, a number of questions. What is wrong with me? And when am I going to get over this? In his bestselling book, “It’s Called A Break Up Because It’s Broken”, author Greg Behrendt says, “I think the time it takes to feel better about a break up is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about you. It’s called a break up because it’s broken. It can’t be fixed, you have to let it go and only then will your pain begin to subside.”

Your first challenge is to recognize the truth of the situation and remember there is a reason why you are no longer with that person. Some things simply cannot be fixed. If both of your feelings don’t match it will never work. If he doesn’t love you now, he never will. Once you have accomplished this first hurdle, you can move onto actually getting over the person and the relationship.

The major challenge is to whip out the rules of disengagement. This means: Cut all contact with the ex. However these days, it is so much harder with a number of online temptations. So this means deleting their phone number, email and Facebook. There will be too much temptation to stalk your ex’s page and before you know it, you’re racing home from work a year after your break up just so you can find out the smallest bit of information about what is going on in his life that no longer includes you. It keeps you stuck in no mans land, and you and your emotions won’t be able to move on. You have no reason to be best friends with your ex, especially not in the beginning. Have a period of at least three to six monts where you have no contact with him at all.

Next step, start anew. Gather everything that he gave you or reminds you of him and put it away. You don’t need to throw it out, because let’s face it: if you were with the person longer than a year; they played a good part in your life. But anything that didn’t make it past the six-month zone was probably nothing to begin with – throw it out. Go through your house and rearrange things. It will feel like a new start in a new environment, and one that your ex has no connection to.

Let your girlfriends’ help you get over the break up. They’ll definitely make you laugh and keep you sane even at your darkest moments. Instead of feeling sorry for your-self and staying home, go out and have fun with girls! The best way to stick it to your ex is to look and feel your absolute best.

Don’t get back together; people usually do this because it is what they already know and what they are comfortable with. Give yourself the chance to get over it and see who else is out there. Romeo was absolutely in love with Rosaline, until he bumped into Juliet and their chance meeting is now the greatest love story known to man.

The worst mistake you can make is to settle. Don’t hold onto something because you think it will get better or because you think you can make him love you like you love him. The greatest romances and relationships have challenges, arguments and differences of opinion. The one thing that never changes is the love the couple feel for each other.

Don’t ever be scared of having your heart broken. The only way you can be loved completely is if you do the same. They say all good things must come to an end but really they don’t have to. The best things last forever; everything else is just your yellow brick road.