Opinion: Is Multiple the New Way of Being Single? It Should Be!

This article was written by Danielle

So you may be aware of my philosophy that you are never single, you are simply ‘multiple’ – you have multiple choices, and in this day and age, you can have multiple partners as well. The word ‘single’ has too many negative connotations for me, it smells of weakness and timidity, of vulnerability and stereo-typical predictability; the word itself is enough to put you off being a confident, happy, go-getting individual; telling people that you are ‘single’ is enough to put them off ever respecting you; and so, for me at least (and maybe for you too) ‘multiple’ works best.

But how does one become ‘multiple’ without being a stud? How does one carry ‘multiple’ off without being a slut? How does one get into ‘multiplication’ without crossing yourself off the serious list of eligible lovers?

As with most things in life, if you do something with confidence, if you feel certain that it is right for you and not detrimental to others, then you can do almost anything you set your mind to.

But how can being ‘multiple’ be right for others?

This is the hard part, this is a matter of opinion; but so are religion and politics, which are both held in high esteem by many and are a lifestyle for many more. With ‘multiple’ as your guideline, you have to be more honest with yourself and with your partners; ‘multiple’ requires some form of disclosure, some form of communication with your lovers that (1) lets them know you are not exclusive, and (2) respects their privacy also.

It is not always easy to be the one who opens up about the truth. It is not always easy to make it clear to someone that you value your freedom whilst also respecting them as a person. It is not always easy, but it is essential if you are going to do ‘multiplication’ the correct way.

And this is where I advocate being ‘economical with the truth’ – no, that does not mean lie, it means knowing when to say nothing, knowing when to tweak the information so that you are seen to be informative without being zealous; it is the best way to behave in any relationship whether you are multiple or monogamous – we all have our own private thoughts, wishes, desires and actions, we all do things that nobody else wants to know about, (even if they think they do), and we all need to learn when NOT to speak about them. But just as importantly, we need to know when not to ask…

As much as we think we would love to know everything about someone we desire, and as much as we think that we wish everything we knew was good and pure and exactly as we wanted it to be, that just is not the case, with anyone. Ever.

As much as we think that we want to be adored and idolized, fawned over and revered by one particular person or by crowds of people, the truth is that we would become bored and irritated by those people in a relatively short amount of time should they be so obviously available.

Confidence and independence are the most attractive qualities that anyone can possess. Knowing someone who has those qualities is to know someone who we want to be around, someone who is secure in themselves and able to let others be a part of their lives without the need to lock them down, control them, stifle them or be a part of everything they do. Confidence allows freedom – freedom of choice and freedom of thought. It promotes independence. It promotes individuality.

And so it is with ‘multiplication’ – it takes two honest, confident, unconditional people to be able to enjoy such a situation, two people who allow each other freedom; who respect their partner enough to be ‘economical with the truth’; who do not need ‘full disclosure’ to hinder their enjoyment of one another; who understand human nature enough to know that trying to control someone only drives them away; who know themselves enough to know that making promises means breaking promises and being the one to let another person down is not the person they want to be. ‘Multiplication’ requires the ability to spend time alone, to have some form of control over one’s emotions, to be able to live and let live, to give one’s all when one is with a lover and to love that person unconditionally when apart in order that the same compliment is repaid.

If we learn to accept the truth, if we let others live by the standards we set for ourselves, if we accept our own fallibility, then we have to confess our sins, we have to admit that we would ideally like some form of freedom granted to us, which in turn means we should grant that freedom to others. To expect another person to behave perfectly towards us is to expect too much; but to accept that they respect us enough to be ‘economical with the truth’ is the best way to deal with being ‘multiple’.

There are different things that attract us to different people, it is rare to find one person who fulfills our every need – that is not to say it is not possible, but it is not the norm – and in those times when we cannot find one person to complete the jigsaw of our love lives, it is best to consider ‘multiplication’ as an option – a situation where honesty reigns supreme, where no promises are promised, yet respectful communication is maintained and an effort is always made for contact of any type to be enjoyable and drama free.

Being ‘multiple’ is a far better option than being single – it is riddled with possibilities rather than being riddled with insecurities – and those possibilities may lead to a fulfilling, and long term relationship with one particular person who values our honesty and admires our refreshing view on life and love. Once we find that person, we can then move forward with them on a different, more specific understanding that suits each person.

If we can go into life with a more honest point of view, then we might just find that we have a more enjoyable time of it. Singledom is a hell-hole of fear, a totally unrealistic way to find yourself attracted to someone else, or to find someone else that is attracted to you. ‘Multiplication’ has so many more possibilities – and all of them are positive and realistic, which adds up to a far better outcome.

Being realistic is not always easy, but once it has been mastered, it is always better.